I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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