i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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