whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
