You made me cry and you don't even care
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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