So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
