6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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