Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
