If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize