community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
