honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
