My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
