wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have fence marks all over my body
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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