thus making me awesome and them whores
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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