so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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