Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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