The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
