I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
