My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
