Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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