Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
