I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
