What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your penis caused this!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
