I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
