Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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