If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
