I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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