Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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