I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
