Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
