We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
