I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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