There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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