Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
