just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
