He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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