he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
