Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it's like iHOP with fire
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
