Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
