i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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