someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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