Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry about my life...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
