I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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