Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
