she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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