either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The best revenge is premature balding
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
