Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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