and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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