Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
