The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
