It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
