Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
