well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
