I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
