can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
