It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
