I accidentally burped into my bong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
