I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
