I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You were trust falling into bushes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
