I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
