Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(381): View more from

I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

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(512): View more from Texas

There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.

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(474): View more from

Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?

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(971): View more from Oregon

I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.

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