I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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