So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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