Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
