is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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