The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize