My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
