he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
