I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
