Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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