i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
