Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
