Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
