How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
