omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
