Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
