I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
